The Juice

Last night I got to catch up on one of my favorite shows, “One Tree Hill”. I watched the first two episodes of the season on line and then caught the third on the tube. Just as I loved “Dawson’s Creek”, I get stoked about this one as well. It may be that they are both filmed in my hometown of Wilmington, NC. So I identify readily with the places and associate feelings with them. Sometimes the feelings are the same ones displayed on the shows.

For a while now, I have found myself displaced about the direction of forward momentum that I should take with my life. There are a few things that I have given up on such as writing, music, the love of the ocean, my passion…. Sure, they are still part of my life to a certain point, but the love and endurance that I put into them has been replaced by a lackadaisical feeling toward them. The dreams have been given up, but not forgotten. This is the heart of my depression. An aching pain that I quiet and replace with more important things, but alas a creator must create.

There was a line in one of the episodes I watched last night: “It’s my life. I’m taking a stand” This spoke to me. I do love my life, but I miss a part of it. The part of me that my wife fell in love with, the part of me that made me desire more, the part of me that shaped who I am today. Kind of a paradox that the missing piece that made me who I am is no longer there. Can I reintegrate who I was into who I am and who I hope to be? Focus on what you used to have and love so that you can really love what you have now and where you are now. Interesting concept…