The Juice

On the way to work today I started thinking about baseball. While not a big fan of America’s past time, I do appreciate it. There is something about having a hot dog and a coke at a baseball game that just feels right. Anyway, I was thinking of the different types of pitchers and their roles in the game. (The starter, the relief and the closer.) The starter begins the game and usually has the endurance to last for the majority of the game, but many times near the end of the game the starter gets replaced with the relief pitcher. This may happen for a variety of reasons. The relief pitchers are usually very good, but do not normally have the endurance to last a whole game at the performance level they need to. A relief pitcher who pitches for the last inning is called a “Closer”. A closer specializes in closing games, usually games that are on the line. They are chosen by not only their pitching ability but also for their ability to maintain their composure in high-pressure situations.

We wear many hats and play different roles in life. Sometimes we are like the starter pitcher and have endurance to keep up the day to day tasks when everything is going okay. Sometimes we are a regular relief pitcher and we only need to dig in a little to get over the hump. The hump being when things are not all together but we know if we just get this and that done it will be okay. Often though, we need to rise up and become a “closer” and maintain our composure and our faith in God in a high-pressure or stressful situation. Remain steady and let him steer the boat for he is faithful to do what he said he would do. When you are a “closer” you know the game is just about over and if you do well the reward will be great.

A couple of days ago my friend, Kyle, got back into town. He has been away at school off and on these past 4 years(1/4 College Student, 3/4 Rock Drummer). He dropped by and casually asked me to take a ride with him which I did. As he was driving he casually turned into his church building, which I no longer frequently go to. The kicker was that it was also a Wednesday night and they were doing their thing, including music practice for the coming Sunday morning program. ( I don’t like to use the word service as in Sunday Morning Service, since service is not what we usually do at church. I prefer and think the word “program” is a better description or Sunday Morning Moochfest, as in mooch off your members, mooch off your volunteers, mooch to build YOUR Ministry and don’t worry what God is showing the people of his body…it’s only about what you say he wants you to do) Sorry, I digress….

So I go in with Kyle to get his transcripts as they were faxed to his mom, who is on staff at this church building, earlier that day. As I walked into the hall, I heard what is known as “worship practice”. (Such a misnomer….let’s practice something that is innate to a believer.) The music that I heard was decent in its own right. A lot more people on stage then when I was there before. Seemed that one part was giving them a problem as they were practicing it over and over at the instruction (or ranting and raving) of the leadership. I believe that is when I started getting sick.

Structured music in its own right is a good thing. I am classically trained and there is so much beauty that comes out of a full orchestra when they are together and in union…..but there are times when I have played in a symphony were the conductor let go a little and what emerged had so much more life. I believe in worship if you shut down the creativity so much and micro manage the hits and licks of your players and singers you severely limit the expression of Freedom which is at the forefront of what Jesus gave us. It is one thing to want to submit to one another and create something structured together….it is all together a different issue when you carry a legalistic view of having worshipers submit to you and make them create something structured. I see both sides of the coin… I guess the easiest way of explaining this is a symbolism that my wife uses with spontaneous singing :

“When you get a card from someone, upon opening it what do you look at and read first; the typed message or the personal hand written one?”

I believe God would rather hear our own words, our own sounds, our own modes, and our own melodies instead of someone else’s. The thing is, when the spontaneous musicians come together the music created does sound structured in a way but it is far more beautiful than without the spontaneity component added. The reason is that the Holy Spirit is structuring the music that we are releasing. If we get out of the way and let Jesus take the leadership in all facets of the church…..I can’t even imagine what would take place.

I was watching some videos of my son in his earlier years. He was around 2 years old. Ironic how we remember things differently in our mind than what actually happened. During that time I could understand every word Ian tried to say, but looking at the video now, I realize that he couldn’t speak all that clearly then. One thing I did notice is that I wasted various moments with him by trying to “motivate” him to look at the camera or do this or that. I was trying to get him to do things that I thought would be good to have captured on tape. I realize now how many moments that could have been more pure “Ian” if I had just lightened up a little. I catch myself now trying to get him to play sports more. He does like sports to an extent, but he is much more passionate about trains and science. So I try to push him into what I think an ideal Father-son relationship should be at times. Instead of being more interested in what makes him happy, I try to make him do things that I think will make him (and me) happy. I realize that I should lighten up my expectations and let him grow into who he is in his own time.

Sometimes as Christians, we, as well as other people, put expectations on us and we try and force ourselves to meet those expectations and often lose focus on God as we try to be what we think we should be in the time frame we think it should be achieved in. We need to learn that life is a journey and a process and while God is encouraging us to grow into what we should be, he also has the appropriate time frame. And what your spirit and God say is what you should be will often not meet others expectations at times. Lighten up and enjoy the journey, enjoy yourself growing up in Christ, because God is certainly enjoying watching you grow.

I believe that blogging at least one time a day during the work week is helping me to be more motivated to become who I am supposed to be. I am beginning to seek after my destiny and that is exciting to me. It is ironic to me that when you reveal yourself to others through a medium such as writing you are also revealing who you are to yourself. I find that writing/blogging evens out my thoughts into more of a coherent and usuable way of thinking. I can argue and debate with anyone. I am a champ at it. Thing is….I dislike debating very much or have learned to dislike it over the past few years. I just want to be me. I want to clarify the truth that drives me into a realness that exists and one that can be known fully. What your truth is to you is fine, but I no longer wish to argue against your truth to falsify it in an attempt to understand what is truth to me. Know the truth of what makes you who you are and who you are intended to be.

Yesterday I finally realized that I have been really gaining momentum in the issue of happiness. I honestly think that it is because I have let Church go in a way. “Spiderman no more, I want a life of my own”…..”Church no more, I want a life of my own.”…..Many critics would say, it is no longer a life of your own it is His now…You gave your life to Jesus….but dear sir, you complicate the issue by equating a relationship with Jesus to Church….or should I say the machine called church…. The all knowing Pastor, the pews, the longing for the best presentation to grow the audience….
Screw that. I am the church…and so are you…..that is, if you call yourself a follower of Him.

In the past I would say “Church no more….” and leave the building and began searching for another one….they all have problems…they all will hurt you…we are all human. So it has been different lately. It is “Church no more” in my life. I will not talk about it, I will not discuss it, I will not let the problems depress me any longer. I subscribe to be a part of the church, the body of Christ and will no longer worry about the crap that makes Christians miserable.

Walk the banks of life and let Him be your guide, if others want to walk it with you, welcome them into the fold.

So I have been thinking lately about my life and how it is evolving into something that I have little control over. I cannot control who or what others do and I cannot control the impact a situation may have. I can; however, change my response and my emotional reaction to others and to situations.

There was a line in a movie I once saw that stated “Sit here….or…..do something”. That “do something” does not necessarily mean do something about the situation or people, but just do something….I dare you to move…..retain your joy, lift your head up and move out…you do have control over that. Love your situation in order to learn from it and make it better. Depression will never allow you to live in the fullness you were created for.

Am I happy? Yes, I think I am….What am I happy about? Lots of things……could be sad about lots of things as well; but I choose to be happy, I choose to move.