“When I face a mountain, I will not quit. I will try to climb over it. Or find a way around. Or tunnel underneath. Or perhaps, just stay right where I am and turn it into a gold mine with God’s helping hand.”
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Archive for the 'My Journey' Category
Yesterday I drove down a road that I have driven down many, many times. It is an old country road that runs by the Eastern N.C. COG State Headquarters, where my Grandfather is a credentialed minister, and where I spent many summers at Campmeeting and Youth Camp chasing girls under the guise of chasing God. I once used this road as a connecting point to visit my late Grandparents, my Dad’s Mother and Father, but as of late it has just been used for the short trip off of I95 to Kenly, NC to see my Mom’s Mother and Father. As people age it seems that sometimes the aging process can impact one more poorly then the next. Such is my Grandparents case. They said goodbye to their home yesterday and traveled North with my Aunt to PA and will receive much needed living assistance. It is a good thing for them I believe. So as I left their home yesterday, traveled that country road, passed the Piggly Wiggly Grocery Store one last time, a piece of me was lost. It was uncomfortable…but still change comes.
Yesterday I also drove down other roads that I have driven down many, many times. Roads to the Hospital I was born at, to the High School I graduated, to the many Beaches I frequented, and to the places and times that have had some role in shaping my being. Back home, where the Saline in the air just lifts my spirit and passion soars in me, is where I wish to be always as a piece of me is gained back. It is very comfortable…and change is welcome, although a short time it will be.
Pelican Watch, Sunskipper, The Cove, 4 wheeling on the South end, delivering Pizzas right after a day surfing, Eagles-Hotel California, birth of Nirvana and Pearl Jam, and of course chillin’ to tunes of Steve Miller Band…..so many fond memories of this place.
It will be nice to be back once again. To be inspired once again. Good-bye dreadful Terp-Red Maryland , Welcome back Duke-Blue North Carolina….one day I will stop cheating on you and I will be back with you always…..Home In My Heart..North Carolina
This has been a time of awakening for me lately; or perhaps a time of stirring in my spirit in relation to almost all facets of my life. Be it work/career, fathership, husbandry, physical, or spiritual awareness; it seems that the conglomeration of the whole are getting major visibility to me and I constantly seem to be evaluating each piece of my being and analyzing what I must do to improve on them in the present as well as the future. I am chasing something, a renewal perhaps or maybe my own personal revelation. I don’t want personal revival. I don’t want to be revived into what I once was. I don’t want to live in an old era of being. I want something new. I want a life changing personal renaissance era. I am “chasing the renaissance.”
This is way too early to get up. I have started working from 6am - 5pm, Tuesday through Fridays with Mondays off. Having Mondays off is great, but getting up before the sun does royally stinks.
This time of the year is usually hard for me. I tend to contemplate on a lot of what has happened during the year before and the years before that around the months of April and May. These months have been surrounded by situations such as dealing with big decisions, issues, or just “stuff” that needed to be addressed. Some of these situations were caused by me, such as resigning from my job of 6 years in April 2005; Some were caused by what I believe to be God’s life shaping, such as being laid off from my job in May 2006; and some were caused by people, such as the anguish contemplating whether I will play professionally with prophetic people again due to lack of follow up. There is a shifting that seems to be occuring again. Life is not stable and some things are dying and changing.
Lift up your head because when the old is shed, when the cocoon is broken, when the winter pruning is final, new growth will arise and change will be evident. This is not a time to despair, but a time to contemplate, meditate, and rejoice in all that will come.
Be who you want to be…
Last night I got to catch up on one of my favorite shows, “One Tree Hill”. I watched the first two episodes of the season on line and then caught the third on the tube. Just as I loved “Dawson’s Creek”, I get stoked about this one as well. It may be that they are both filmed in my hometown of Wilmington, NC. So I identify readily with the places and associate feelings with them. Sometimes the feelings are the same ones displayed on the shows.
For a while now, I have found myself displaced about the direction of forward momentum that I should take with my life. There are a few things that I have given up on such as writing, music, the love of the ocean, my passion…. Sure, they are still part of my life to a certain point, but the love and endurance that I put into them has been replaced by a lackadaisical feeling toward them. The dreams have been given up, but not forgotten. This is the heart of my depression. An aching pain that I quiet and replace with more important things, but alas a creator must create.
There was a line in one of the episodes I watched last night: “It’s my life. I’m taking a stand” This spoke to me. I do love my life, but I miss a part of it. The part of me that my wife fell in love with, the part of me that made me desire more, the part of me that shaped who I am today. Kind of a paradox that the missing piece that made me who I am is no longer there. Can I reintegrate who I was into who I am and who I hope to be? Focus on what you used to have and love so that you can really love what you have now and where you are now. Interesting concept…
Just really happy lately….started coaching my son’s soccer team, the Rick Pino gig is going well, church has been lovely, Tori started ballet, job is good, working out more this year and eating better…….and my hair is super long…….and my wife is amazing!
How is your life?
Sorry I haven’t updated this regularly lately. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of sorts. We just got back from Cleveland, TN where Christine and I got to minister at a wedding with prophetic instrumental music. When I get a chance I want to talk about that for a bit. Presently my whole household has came down with a viral and secondary bacterial infection, so we are all out of sorts to say the least. Hopefully during the Thanksgiving break I will be able to post a few blogs.
Blessings,
Gene
I walked out to a beautiful day this morning. It was rather cold at 25 degrees, but still beautiful. There is a silence that comes on those really cold mornings that is unparalleled. One can hear the Father’s voice on mornings like this.
I pondered my life as I was slowly driving out and I concluded that I am really content with where I am, where I have been, and where I/we are going. My family, they are awesome. I can actually trust local church leadership again. I have support and I have friends. My career is great and the ministry opportunities seem boundless.
Thanks Jesus……
People you care about will cause you to change what you care about. But you will change because you care.
Sometimes people accuse me of dropping things suddenly, especially at churches that I have been involved with in the past. I am called to be a husband and Father first. I refuse to allow my kids to hate the church because I put it before my responsibilities to them. I am not speaking of God’s kingdom when I speak of “church”, but church as an institution….church as man’s ambition to be great.
Christine and I have began a journey that requires much change and will be an ongoing process, but we change because we care.